Size does matter

All of three, Ganesh feels and behaves like the biggest of all. There is a lot of questioning that has started these days, right from what happens if we keep a blanket on burning stove to if a smallest of mouse can bite. I too don't miss a chance to ask questions which will be answered in my favour.
Me: Is Ganesh big or small?
Ganesh: BIG
Me: Is Ganesh's tummy big or small?
Ganesh: BIG
Me: Is appa big or small?
Ganesh: small
Me: Is amma big or small?
Ganesh: small
Same question repeated for all family members and getting same answer....
Me: Is amma's tummy big or small?
Ganesh: small
Me (looking at Shiv): Evil grins :D :D :D

Maar hi daaloge

I do whatever it takes to reach home by 6:15 pm. Rain or not. The moment I open the door, Ganesh comes running, jumps on me and hugs. One rainy evening by the time I reached home, I was completely drenched and had to forego my usual treat. So I informed him that I am completely drenched and cannot carry or hug him until I change. He touches me, runs inside and gets a towel.
"Inda amma, todachuko. Sheriaayudum." (Take this amma, wipe yourself. You will be ok)

Shiv, generally feels that the mother-son love as TOO MUCH. I just could not wait to narrate this story to see his reaction (that "maar hi daaloge" expression), topped with the dialogue, "Learn something from your son." ;)

Ganesh's favorite colour is Orange. Breakfast time. He is given dosa with greens, which he was not enjoying too much which was evident from the speed of consumption. I started eating with Orange color leftover chutney and wooed him to eat with that. The entire content was transferred to his plate. He runs to the kitchen and opens the fridge. Shiv asks, "Ganesh, fridge ae ennattukku thorandel ?"(why have you opened the fridge)
Ganesh, "Amma ku Orange chutney podanam" (serve the orange colour chutney to amma too)

I looked at husband immediately, not to miss his expression. :D

These gestures from the child will be cherished forever. I don't think I even deserve them. But I do deserve to see Shiv's funny expressions.

Is it too early?

It is never, when it comes to educate the child about his own protection from the predators. A few personal experiences:
1. A friend's uncle, who was supposedly funny and all the elders liked him for his sense of humor. During adolescence, he comes and touches the chest, saying that "oh, the girl is growing up." I hated it. I did not know what to do. Just ran home and shut myself. I tried to inform my mother, she did not understand and it never got conveyed.
2. A pooja being arranged at home. Father asked me to join him to the temple to get the required things. The priest staring me and stroked the bum. And this was in a split second time when father was walking ahead of me and the priest behind me. I did not know what to do. I started walking along father.
3. Countless incidents of people touching on the streets.

It took a while to understand that I wasn't wrong in any of the above incidents and I have to speak up. Well, I was a teenager when I understood and it was learning the hard way. I had my own share of guilt, fear, fury and everything but I am glad that I dealt with all of it pretty well and am sane today.

It is a myth that boys are not eyed on. I know of a friend who too shared his tryst with one who was an older lady. I got to see a program on re-enacted crimes relayed every single day in a channel in Singapore which was produced by the police department. Coincidentally the first episode I got to see was about a paedophile targetting boys, starting friendship just by talking, then getting smaller gifts then gradually bigger and expensive toys. He then took the child to the zoo as a leisure trip. The mother too is wonderstruck in this case seeing the gifts and the friendship. Then the very next day, after the swimming classes, this man takes the child to the bathroom, removes the clothes and has a photo shoot. The child is also confused here. The mother digs in for information and files a police complaint. I wasn't even a mother then. I could relate to every single emotion of sadness, shame, disgust, anger and frustration. I promised myself that if I ever have child(ren), they will be aware of what needs to be done. From saying a firm no to shout or run for help and inform us.

Husband and I too believe very strongly believe that we cannot even predict who can turn out to be predator. They would be one among us, relatives, friends, anybody. Its a very thin line, and we cannot take any chances for the child to learn the hard way. They just don't deserve it.

We generally go by this rule that until five years, the child must be accompanied by people who are responsible and with whom the child is comfortable with. Having said that, as a mother, all I wished for Ganesh was that he should not be too 'friendly'. I have very elated when he cried uncontrollably at a friend's home, at three months. Any amount of nursing, he continued to cry. The moment we got out, he was fine. His sensitivity to new people is still there and I am happy to say the least, that it keeps him safe. At two and half years, he is not comfortable bare body in front of people, he is not happy being only in shorts too. People carrying him or holding him is not his comfort zone.

Having said that, he will start school in June and will not be home for four hours per day. We have already started telling him that if he does not like anybody touching, holding or carrying him, he should say that he does not like it. He should not allow anybody to touch his penis or bum, except for all of us at home, that is parents, both set of grandparents and paternal or maternal sisters.
I also know of people who say that the child loses innocence when she/he is told about all of it. I have seen kids who stand up for themselves and say a firm "NO, don't kiss me. I don't like it". I find them equally innocent and cute. Need I say safe too?

Bed-time Stories

"He wouldn't even settle sleeping next to me. He has to sleep on me."

The sleep-training is being going on for a few months now at our place, but Ganesh still does not sleep through the night. I have partially weaned him off from his swing of saree. We had to swing him for thirty to forty minutes every time to make him sleep, right from the time he was born. This itself I consider as a big achievement, for the struggles, crying and negotiations we had to go through to get him to  bed.

He still has his milk in bottle at around 3 am and another one at around 6 am and sleeps till 7:15 am which too has reduced from three to two. I know I am not the only one hre going through this, just felt good reading this article.

Of sharing and being nice

If you ask Ganesh to share what he is eating, you will get, after much pleading persuation that is, something in your hand, which you will not be able to see. And if you put that in mouth, you will not get the taste of it either.
If a baby or child, looks at his plate, irrespective of he eating or not, otherwise a nice, calm and soft Ganesh turns into a hitting monster. In a park, if I touch another child, Ganesh screams, DDDDDAAAAEEEEEEE anna (or akka, whosoever his mother shows a temporary interest). He even went and hit a child yesterday. (Ofcourse he had to go through the amma-not-talking-to-you discplining strategy and he saying sorry to the child. Amma would have ignored it, if all this happened in her absence and the other hitting back Ganesh or they dealing all of it with each other)
We had been to Bannerghatta National Park last week. Shiv plucked some fresh tamarind from the trees and I just tried if the wild squirrels eat that. They came near, took that and started eating. It was such a cute sight, to say the least. Ganesh had not approved for it and hence had a lying-on-floor-crying tantrum. One lollypop as a bribe and he becomes fine. He kept on asking for the tamarind, for some time though.

One of our neighbors has a dalmatian called Spotty, with whom we are friends. Spotty doesn't generally allow people to enter his territory, but from the day we have seen and befriended him, he has not only allowed us to enter his zone, but also has been extremely gentle with Ganesh. Ganesh then being just one year old and not so steady, Spotty used to be very careful even while shaking off Ganesh from his body when Ganesh would hug him, bite him, pull  one of his feet or pull his tail. He would not sit anywhere anytime when Ganesh was around, to avoid Ganesh sitting on him. People around would ask me to be careful with the dog around the child, whereas I used to be worried about the dog. That was such a perfect picture. Until recently, when Ganesh had  just picked up a stick (as usual) from the garden there. Spotty, playfully snatched it from the other end and ran away. Ganesh, being him, did not like it and had a lying-on-floor-crying tantrum. I could not help laughing loudly, much to Ganesh's irritation. Spotty too, I am so sure was laughing who was standing next to me and kind of challenging Ganesh to take the stick back.

A post on embarrassments

Rohini's post inspired me to write about my perspective on extended  breastfeeding. While the external suggestions are perinneal, they do really get on to one's head especially when it is told continuously and to individuals who are capable of making choices and know what works best for them and their children.

I exclusively breastfed my son until he was five months. My mother and mother-in-law tried to give him external food when he was three months old and there was a persistent effort on that to my irritation. Especially when it was tried in my absence.
My mother would say, "Your milk is like water, how would that be sufficient."
Me: As long as he seems to be ok, I will continue.
This was the time when I was engorged and had fountains of milk flowing out. Yes, I knew that the boy is not lacking on its supply and never doubted even once.
Mother-in-law: "How will his stomach grow  without external solids"
Me (looking at my tummy and thinking): I wish atleast he has a flat tummy for a longer time.
I had two people who were with me to deal with constantly.
My final weapon dialogue to both of them. "Let me also experience the child rearing thing."
I think because of that, dealing with external world became quite easy. Smile and ignore. Thank you very much.

I was all set to nurse Ganesh as long as he wanted and to my dismay, he stopped it gradually on his own when he turned one. Now he doesn't even remember he being on boobs. I even tried to force nurse him. He had four teeth above and four below in the front and he knew exactly how to deal with me. Ouch. I stopped. I had to.

The point people bring up about the embarrassment factor, I would anyday vote for  extended nursing because the child is asking for it when hungry or for comfort. I am sure that will stop when the supply stops or when they no longer feel the need for it. I used to call Ganesh "Barbie Doll" among one of the so-many so-many names, when he was say, 14-15 months. One year later, I don't know how and why he associates this term with boobs, pointing at them and saying in as-a-matter-of-factly manner, "Barbie doll". Fortunately or unfortunately, also with the ladies he is comfortable with. The children will never fail to embarrass you, I would have been happier if he continued to ask for nursing rather than seeing such days, especially in front of people, that too when he has the word "chest" in his vocabulary.

Of guilt trips!

I leave home brutally quiet each morning and listen Ganesh calling "Amma" followed with a wail and his grandparents telling him that she has gone to office. He says crying, "Amma office ponam". :(
We go out each morning, have our time together, basically hanging out checking the dirty streams of water that flows throughout Bangalore. His current obsession, he only knows why. We check one near the Golf view campus, followed with some hanging, swinging, sliding session in the park. We also go and 'touch' the BIIG water tank near the park. He doesnt want to come home after that, coz he knows that all we will do is take bath, have breakfast and I will head to office. I would tell him about office thingy and all I get is a more clinging child. Very recently, I even said a firm bye and got out as the experts suggest, but he followed me not just wailing and begging not to leave, but I left. FIL told he cried continuously for forty minutes. After that once again hide-and-seek.

I am so embarrassed that I forgot the husband's birthday. I really thought its on Tuesday but it happened to be on Monday. He gets a call at 12:30 am and there I was cursing that his friends have no time-sense whatsoever and went on saying all are same. Then morning showers of calls, my family, cousins everybody. I checkout the calendar and you-know-what-expression.

Craziness

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway


Just like before...


Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break


I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again


Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break


Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up


I’m about to break!

~Linkin Park

I used to think that these heavy metal rock bands are plain crazy. And those who could appreciate rock are serious nut cases requiring counselling. But now I am hooked. I find it spiritual.