Happy fifth

Dear Mahu,

You are the dearest of  all. And today would be the last day, I can say you are a four year old. This year has been so wonderful, getting to know you better and to love you more. I don't even deserve your love, so abundant and expressive. The way you introduce me to everybody, makes me feel like a celebrity. 

 I want to hold you a lot, before your speech becomes clearer, before your baby voice matures and before you want to break away. My dear, along with that, I hope we will continue to run, swim, play, sing and dance, cook, read, travel, experiment, chat our time away and make a whole bunch of memories. 

I hope I am able to keep up with your grit, perseverance, interest, creativity and focus. Your clever and witty answers will always be cherished. Your patience and skill to teach. I have so much to learn from you. Your curiosity, observations and wonder are so wonderful. I am not at all worried about what you will do in your life and hope to have your company as much as possible. Dear son, whatever happens, never ever panic. There are always better things to worry. You just continue to be yourself, keeping yourself physically safe, fit and responsible. I hope you don't get fixated too much with comforts. We are yet to do things in a way that we are flexible enough to  take on life, however tough situations become. You must travel a lot, in your own company, soaking up the place's air and vibes. Know the history, and appreciate whatever life offers in the moment. Always, live in the moment like you do right now.

 My dear, from babydom to toddlerhood to a preschooler, you are growing up way too soon and I am not getting enough of you. Please don't grow up so fast.

And as I always say, always remember that I love you a lot, please. I really hope I am of some use to you.

Ganesh Interview - Part II

Q. What do you want to be when you grow up?
A. Scary goose (the skeleton frame), Chimpanzee

Q. What brings you most happiness?
A.  Scary goose

Q.  What are you scared of?
A.  I am not scare of anything

Q.  What is the funniest word?
A.  Sussu, Potty, Bum

Q.  What is the hardest thing to do?
A.  Cut plastic

Q. Easiest thing?
A.  Playing

Q.  What makes you mad?
A.  Veer, Saxophone

Q.   What would you do when you have a lot of money?
A.   Buy matchboxes, But an i-phone with temple run and angry birds

Interview part one - Ganesh

This is inspired from Amber from Crappy pictures

Ganesh Interview:

What do you think I dream of?
You go up up up in the sky
Then go down down and down
Me: Where down?
Him: Just down
Then go left and then right
Me: where in the sky or in the down?
Him: left and right means the sides. Left side means left hand side and right side means right hand side (with respective hand actions)

What do you think which dress I like?
Golden

What do you think I do after you sleep?
You go for a walk, watch TV and sit on the computer. (He nailed this one :))

What do you think I do with my friends?
You play.
What do I play with them?
Hide and seek.

Introducing Mahesh

It is way too late, but introducing the younger one of our household - Mahesh. As tiny as he was at birth with 2.8 kgs, we knew that he will soon catch up with not just the weight, but the milestones as well, on time. He would wake up and tilt his mouth on left and right sides and his milky was readily available. In case of a few seconds delay, he would wait patiently, tilting his mouth on both the sides anyway. Thank you my sweetness for that.



I knew right from the moment he was introduced to me by the doctors, "Its a boy", displaying his little penis first and then only the face, that we will laugh a lot together. There was hardly anything in him to see, a tiny little blob that he was.

Ganesh peeped him from the side and said, amma, he is your child, and was worried about me, if my pain has subsided and if I need any massage to be soothed. We all settled together in no time. Mahesh patiently went through his ears piercing, even went for an outstation leisure trip and Annaprashana.

He does all the stunts like Ganesh and started sitting at seven months . He knocks at the neighbor's door as well. :)
My child, hope the fun and laughter never ends here and you grow up well and healthy. Not so soon though.
Its so true when they say, they are "blessed" with a child. We truly are.

Just a quote

I like being a mother, but hate being pregnant.

A Request

My father has been working on getting a permanent CBSE affiliation of Sri Sankara School in Kalady, Ernakulam Distt., Kerala for almost four years. The school was setup to provide quality education at minimal fees from the underprivileged students. The permanent affiliation is renewed once in three years, based on the audits conducted by CBSE on its specified standards.

During the initial settling years, he worked on standardising on qualification and quality and further on the salaries of the teachers. Gradually he moved onto standardising the infrastructure in terms of CBSE specifications (Classrooms, Auditorium, furniture, Labs, Staff etc.). After multiple audits, the affilliation was granted. As the school is run by the Mutt, there are very tight budgetary constraints. The school requires funds for books in the library, sports equipments and playground equipments for the primary school.

Request you all to donate generously for this cause. My father will get an Sec 80G exemption certificate as well. When the money is transferred, kindly mark the details to my father at ksvenkat46@yahoo.co.in. The account details are:

Sri Sankara Educational Trust
Union Bank of India, Kalady Branch
SB A/C No. 338602010018242
IFSC Code: UBIN0533866

Concertino

Ganesh's interest in percussions is still going strong. So while he is at it, Shiv thinks that he should be going to some class where he will be allowed to just sit and watch, may be for half an hour for a couple of times in a month. While enquiring for him at Purandara Bhavan, I got to know about other instruments and vocal classes. Because of their stringent age criteria of seven, I considered joining Hindustani classical for myself. When I communicated this to Shiv, he said, "I wish you join the Mridangam classes and teach him."
Me: I thought I will sing and he will play mridangam. ;)
Shiv: What? May be I should join the mridangam class and start teaching him.
Me: PLEASE. I don't think its a nice idea. People coming up with age criteria for starting, there must be some sense in it.
Shiv: Hmm
Me: Why don't you join voilin class and we can all perform together. JUST IMAGINE (with the dream-come-true-sparkle-in-the-eyes tone)
Shiv (Embarrased with the thought itself): Leave me alone for sometime.

Art of conversations

As Ganesh is growing up, it is a pleasure talking to the little person that he is. The clarity in his priorities and interests makes very interesting conversations with him.

He has a lot of interest in percussion instruments and enjoys watching different videos of concerts on the internet.  Even in live performances, he focuses more on percussionists. I asked him what he likes most. Mridangam, Chendai, Drums, Tabla or Ghatam.
Ganesh: "Thavil dhaan aettom pidikkum" (I like Thavil the most)
Me: :)

5:30 am. Milk time. He generally gets milk at room temparature and continues to sleep after that. One day, he had mild cough and had bouts of cough in the middle of the night too. That morning, I informed him that he will get warm milk. Fellow doesnt like the idea and tries to negotiate. In the process, he loses his sleep and further negotiates not wanting to have the warm milk. After being left with no choice,  he had to have it and immediately after that, he has a bout of cough.
Ganesh: "Paaru amma. Chood-a tinnuttum koraikkardu" (See amma. Even after eating it warm, I am coughing and repeats this statement for a couple of more times)
I had no other choice than to hold him tightly and kiss him on his forehead.

During one of the morning walks, he observes a person going on motorcycle and asks, "Shivakumar-te bike illaya?" (Why doesn't Shivakumar have a bike?). I replied," He had one, but somebody stole it."
He gets angry and throws expletives,"We should hit and fix him. We should hand him over to the police. We should leave him with the ducks."
(We take time to see what the ducks do at Manipal Hospital garden area during every visit there. So whenever he throws tantrums, I say, "I will leave you with the ducks and you eat what they eat.")
As much as I laughed at it, I thought to myself, if I am using right words with him when it is difficult to deal with him :(.

Happy New Year

On the onset of 2010, a dear friend of mine wished me with HNY. A tubelight that I am, just didn't get it. I had to google it and found another full form and as usual thought "Isko kya ho gaya!!!".

And after I realised that it was the new year wish, thought, "Aisa mere saath hi kyu hota hai?"

Nonetheless folks! Have a good time. Masst raho khush raho.

Size does matter

All of three, Ganesh feels and behaves like the biggest of all. There is a lot of questioning that has started these days, right from what happens if we keep a blanket on burning stove to if a smallest of mouse can bite. I too don't miss a chance to ask questions which will be answered in my favour.
Me: Is Ganesh big or small?
Ganesh: BIG
Me: Is Ganesh's tummy big or small?
Ganesh: BIG
Me: Is appa big or small?
Ganesh: small
Me: Is amma big or small?
Ganesh: small
Same question repeated for all family members and getting same answer....
Me: Is amma's tummy big or small?
Ganesh: small
Me (looking at Shiv): Evil grins :D :D :D

Maar hi daaloge

I do whatever it takes to reach home by 6:15 pm. Rain or not. The moment I open the door, Ganesh comes running, jumps on me and hugs. One rainy evening by the time I reached home, I was completely drenched and had to forego my usual treat. So I informed him that I am completely drenched and cannot carry or hug him until I change. He touches me, runs inside and gets a towel.
"Inda amma, todachuko. Sheriaayudum." (Take this amma, wipe yourself. You will be ok)

Shiv, generally feels that the mother-son love as TOO MUCH. I just could not wait to narrate this story to see his reaction (that "maar hi daaloge" expression), topped with the dialogue, "Learn something from your son." ;)

Ganesh's favorite colour is Orange. Breakfast time. He is given dosa with greens, which he was not enjoying too much which was evident from the speed of consumption. I started eating with Orange color leftover chutney and wooed him to eat with that. The entire content was transferred to his plate. He runs to the kitchen and opens the fridge. Shiv asks, "Ganesh, fridge ae ennattukku thorandel ?"(why have you opened the fridge)
Ganesh, "Amma ku Orange chutney podanam" (serve the orange colour chutney to amma too)

I looked at husband immediately, not to miss his expression. :D

These gestures from the child will be cherished forever. I don't think I even deserve them. But I do deserve to see Shiv's funny expressions.

Is it too early?

It is never, when it comes to educate the child about his own protection from the predators. A few personal experiences:
1. A friend's uncle, who was supposedly funny and all the elders liked him for his sense of humor. During adolescence, he comes and touches the chest, saying that "oh, the girl is growing up." I hated it. I did not know what to do. Just ran home and shut myself. I tried to inform my mother, she did not understand and it never got conveyed.
2. A pooja being arranged at home. Father asked me to join him to the temple to get the required things. The priest staring me and stroked the bum. And this was in a split second time when father was walking ahead of me and the priest behind me. I did not know what to do. I started walking along father.
3. Countless incidents of people touching on the streets.

It took a while to understand that I wasn't wrong in any of the above incidents and I have to speak up. Well, I was a teenager when I understood and it was learning the hard way. I had my own share of guilt, fear, fury and everything but I am glad that I dealt with all of it pretty well and am sane today.

It is a myth that boys are not eyed on. I know of a friend who too shared his tryst with one who was an older lady. I got to see a program on re-enacted crimes relayed every single day in a channel in Singapore which was produced by the police department. Coincidentally the first episode I got to see was about a paedophile targetting boys, starting friendship just by talking, then getting smaller gifts then gradually bigger and expensive toys. He then took the child to the zoo as a leisure trip. The mother too is wonderstruck in this case seeing the gifts and the friendship. Then the very next day, after the swimming classes, this man takes the child to the bathroom, removes the clothes and has a photo shoot. The child is also confused here. The mother digs in for information and files a police complaint. I wasn't even a mother then. I could relate to every single emotion of sadness, shame, disgust, anger and frustration. I promised myself that if I ever have child(ren), they will be aware of what needs to be done. From saying a firm no to shout or run for help and inform us.

Husband and I too believe very strongly believe that we cannot even predict who can turn out to be predator. They would be one among us, relatives, friends, anybody. Its a very thin line, and we cannot take any chances for the child to learn the hard way. They just don't deserve it.

We generally go by this rule that until five years, the child must be accompanied by people who are responsible and with whom the child is comfortable with. Having said that, as a mother, all I wished for Ganesh was that he should not be too 'friendly'. I have very elated when he cried uncontrollably at a friend's home, at three months. Any amount of nursing, he continued to cry. The moment we got out, he was fine. His sensitivity to new people is still there and I am happy to say the least, that it keeps him safe. At two and half years, he is not comfortable bare body in front of people, he is not happy being only in shorts too. People carrying him or holding him is not his comfort zone.

Having said that, he will start school in June and will not be home for four hours per day. We have already started telling him that if he does not like anybody touching, holding or carrying him, he should say that he does not like it. He should not allow anybody to touch his penis or bum, except for all of us at home, that is parents, both set of grandparents and paternal or maternal sisters.
I also know of people who say that the child loses innocence when she/he is told about all of it. I have seen kids who stand up for themselves and say a firm "NO, don't kiss me. I don't like it". I find them equally innocent and cute. Need I say safe too?

Bed-time Stories

"He wouldn't even settle sleeping next to me. He has to sleep on me."

The sleep-training is being going on for a few months now at our place, but Ganesh still does not sleep through the night. I have partially weaned him off from his swing of saree. We had to swing him for thirty to forty minutes every time to make him sleep, right from the time he was born. This itself I consider as a big achievement, for the struggles, crying and negotiations we had to go through to get him to  bed.

He still has his milk in bottle at around 3 am and another one at around 6 am and sleeps till 7:15 am which too has reduced from three to two. I know I am not the only one hre going through this, just felt good reading this article.

Of sharing and being nice

If you ask Ganesh to share what he is eating, you will get, after much pleading persuation that is, something in your hand, which you will not be able to see. And if you put that in mouth, you will not get the taste of it either.
If a baby or child, looks at his plate, irrespective of he eating or not, otherwise a nice, calm and soft Ganesh turns into a hitting monster. In a park, if I touch another child, Ganesh screams, DDDDDAAAAEEEEEEE anna (or akka, whosoever his mother shows a temporary interest). He even went and hit a child yesterday. (Ofcourse he had to go through the amma-not-talking-to-you discplining strategy and he saying sorry to the child. Amma would have ignored it, if all this happened in her absence and the other hitting back Ganesh or they dealing all of it with each other)
We had been to Bannerghatta National Park last week. Shiv plucked some fresh tamarind from the trees and I just tried if the wild squirrels eat that. They came near, took that and started eating. It was such a cute sight, to say the least. Ganesh had not approved for it and hence had a lying-on-floor-crying tantrum. One lollypop as a bribe and he becomes fine. He kept on asking for the tamarind, for some time though.

One of our neighbors has a dalmatian called Spotty, with whom we are friends. Spotty doesn't generally allow people to enter his territory, but from the day we have seen and befriended him, he has not only allowed us to enter his zone, but also has been extremely gentle with Ganesh. Ganesh then being just one year old and not so steady, Spotty used to be very careful even while shaking off Ganesh from his body when Ganesh would hug him, bite him, pull  one of his feet or pull his tail. He would not sit anywhere anytime when Ganesh was around, to avoid Ganesh sitting on him. People around would ask me to be careful with the dog around the child, whereas I used to be worried about the dog. That was such a perfect picture. Until recently, when Ganesh had  just picked up a stick (as usual) from the garden there. Spotty, playfully snatched it from the other end and ran away. Ganesh, being him, did not like it and had a lying-on-floor-crying tantrum. I could not help laughing loudly, much to Ganesh's irritation. Spotty too, I am so sure was laughing who was standing next to me and kind of challenging Ganesh to take the stick back.

A post on embarrassments

Rohini's post inspired me to write about my perspective on extended  breastfeeding. While the external suggestions are perinneal, they do really get on to one's head especially when it is told continuously and to individuals who are capable of making choices and know what works best for them and their children.

I exclusively breastfed my son until he was five months. My mother and mother-in-law tried to give him external food when he was three months old and there was a persistent effort on that to my irritation. Especially when it was tried in my absence.
My mother would say, "Your milk is like water, how would that be sufficient."
Me: As long as he seems to be ok, I will continue.
This was the time when I was engorged and had fountains of milk flowing out. Yes, I knew that the boy is not lacking on its supply and never doubted even once.
Mother-in-law: "How will his stomach grow  without external solids"
Me (looking at my tummy and thinking): I wish atleast he has a flat tummy for a longer time.
I had two people who were with me to deal with constantly.
My final weapon dialogue to both of them. "Let me also experience the child rearing thing."
I think because of that, dealing with external world became quite easy. Smile and ignore. Thank you very much.

I was all set to nurse Ganesh as long as he wanted and to my dismay, he stopped it gradually on his own when he turned one. Now he doesn't even remember he being on boobs. I even tried to force nurse him. He had four teeth above and four below in the front and he knew exactly how to deal with me. Ouch. I stopped. I had to.

The point people bring up about the embarrassment factor, I would anyday vote for  extended nursing because the child is asking for it when hungry or for comfort. I am sure that will stop when the supply stops or when they no longer feel the need for it. I used to call Ganesh "Barbie Doll" among one of the so-many so-many names, when he was say, 14-15 months. One year later, I don't know how and why he associates this term with boobs, pointing at them and saying in as-a-matter-of-factly manner, "Barbie doll". Fortunately or unfortunately, also with the ladies he is comfortable with. The children will never fail to embarrass you, I would have been happier if he continued to ask for nursing rather than seeing such days, especially in front of people, that too when he has the word "chest" in his vocabulary.

Of guilt trips!

I leave home brutally quiet each morning and listen Ganesh calling "Amma" followed with a wail and his grandparents telling him that she has gone to office. He says crying, "Amma office ponam". :(
We go out each morning, have our time together, basically hanging out checking the dirty streams of water that flows throughout Bangalore. His current obsession, he only knows why. We check one near the Golf view campus, followed with some hanging, swinging, sliding session in the park. We also go and 'touch' the BIIG water tank near the park. He doesnt want to come home after that, coz he knows that all we will do is take bath, have breakfast and I will head to office. I would tell him about office thingy and all I get is a more clinging child. Very recently, I even said a firm bye and got out as the experts suggest, but he followed me not just wailing and begging not to leave, but I left. FIL told he cried continuously for forty minutes. After that once again hide-and-seek.

I am so embarrassed that I forgot the husband's birthday. I really thought its on Tuesday but it happened to be on Monday. He gets a call at 12:30 am and there I was cursing that his friends have no time-sense whatsoever and went on saying all are same. Then morning showers of calls, my family, cousins everybody. I checkout the calendar and you-know-what-expression.

Craziness

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
But you'll find that out anyway


Just like before...


Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break


I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again


Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break


Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up


I’m about to break!

~Linkin Park

I used to think that these heavy metal rock bands are plain crazy. And those who could appreciate rock are serious nut cases requiring counselling. But now I am hooked. I find it spiritual.

Awestruck

Shiv has started going to office early and by that time Ganesh and I also would have finished the morning rituals and would be ready to step out. We go to a nearby ground where Shiv drops us on his way. Ganesh would claim that he wants to go to ground, but by the time we need to get out, he will start saying "Appa, come. Come to gound with me. Office na na." But we have to get out and wave bye, after which the boy will keep on asking that we should go to appa's office. I tried to explain him that appa and amma must go to office to work and that is how we make money. We need money to buy food, water, tickets to Wonderla, cubbon park, train, biscuits, chocolates, bun, joos... EVERYTHING.

Me: Do you want them or not?

Ganesh: Venda (Don't want)

Me: Do you want cubbon park on Saturday Sunday or not?

Ganesh: Venda

Me: "It will be boring"

Ganesh: Boye venam (wants bore)

:(

Drawing Spirits

There was this "Drawing Competition" organized for the entire neighborhood children marking the end of Karnataka Rajyotsava celebrations. The communication to us was somehow missed but as Ganesh and I are mostly out in the neighborhood during mornings and we saw the event happening from the terrace. We came home immediately got ready and went there, but we were among the last ones to reach. Most of the children had left by then, but a few children who were there happily shared their crayons and waited for Ganesh to finish his random lines with white crayons on white paper! I tried to change the color of the crayon but he changed it back to white! One of the kids helped him making flower and such, and this activity kept him engaged for five minutes. This according to me was not even qualifying for a "competition" but it was happily submitted as an entry and it was pasted in the venue among the other entries of 2-5 years category.

There was the felicitation ceremony with some cultural programs in the evening, in which all the children had to participate. The first category being 2-5 years, then 6-10 years and 11-15 years. All the children were being called by names. Ganesh also promptly ran to the stage, seeing the proceedings. He went to collect the gift before his name was called and held himself back when the child whose turn it was, collected hers, backing himself off when his name was called. I had to ask him to go and collect. The radiant happiness in his face while collecting and shaking hands with the gentlemen on stage would have glown one dark room! As the lady who was announcing correctly said, "Judging the paintings was just a formality. It was the participation which was important. Please give a loud round of applause to all the children. We are so lucky to have them."

What I love about being with you

The way you express your love. Pinching both my cheeks, coming close and kissing.

"Amma mele taachi" Want to lay down on top of me, when unable to go back to sleep in the middle of the night. The feel of your eyelashes on my neck during that time.

Calling amma for every excitement of yours. Be it spotting the "Big Dish" (DTH Service dishes on rooftops) or a "paaida" (spider) or "Sooo many pijins" or "ejjauth fan" (Exhaust fan) for the zillionth time.

Calling amma for the minutest of distress. Falling down, being hit or anybody scolding or for that matter amma scolding you.

Calling me "Meenu". You know that I will not stop you from calling me by name. You will look at your father after calling me that with a smile, for his disapproval.

Not allowing anybody to even look at you, when I am present. Reporting every instance of somebody looking at you, talking to you or trying to carry you, be it your grandparents,  father or anybody. Ensuring that only I lift you when I am around.

You start walking when I tell that my arm is aching carrying you. I will carry you as much as I can, coz you will grow way too soon than I am ready for. You stop crying when I say I will also cry. Well, I know thats mean, but nothing really works sometimes.

Your dramas, tantrums, crocodile tears, running to sofa to lay down and cry. You throwing more fits on my suggestion of crying on the bed like heroines.

Your jumps and hops. You coming running to me in the evening on my return to home from work.

You demanding rather ordering what you want. Amma "dosa na na", "idli na na", "chappati na na", "upma na na", "pongal na na", "mammam na na", "adai na na", "Ing na na"... "maggi venam", "chocolate venam", "joos venam"

You using words tactically and innocently for your benefit. Making everybody laugh and laughing yourself.

I love you being a thoughtful and mature person. You know when to joke and limit it to fun only. Thats your character of maintaining respect and love with everybody. You remembering and revising everybody's name (huge extended family and lot of our friends and their children). Ensuring to call them like that when we meet. No wonder everybody is so fond of you.